I set you free

After some years we met again in a street by chance. I had spent nights of dreaming about our meeting by chosing the words I was going to say to him. But when we met, everything was not important any more.I was changed, he too. I thought when after some years I would meet him, I could read from his eyes what had happened, but there was no traces from the feelings of past, from the pain I had. We talked as good friends as if nothing had happened between us. Simply I did not understand him. The only thing I had understood I had a secret from him, which I had saved during these years. Had he already shared the secret with someone else, I did not know. It was intersting to know, but I did not care any more.

But I did something after our meeting. I went to home, opened my memory box and found a letter, the only letter I had kept after so many years. That letter was never sent.

Dear Friend
I miss you...
Missing someone is a feeling that can break everyone. I am not broken, but I am only tired, because of it I set you free.
I set you free as I believe in you and your choice. I believe that some day I will be sorry and you too, but at the same time I believe that we both will find the way to happiness.
It,s going to be a letter of saying goodbye. Thousands thoughts flow out from my mind, but they all seem too poor to be said in such an important moment. In such moments people remember only small things that have made them smile. People can still love small things,sometimes I do too, But I am so sorry, i can not love only a part of you. Because of it I set you free, I know when you go out from my Life, my soul, my heart and my thoughts, I,ll find the peace I am looking for,I feel already a little of the light that will come to me after you leave, but there are still words that must be said to ensure that we do exist.
After knowing you so many years, I do not know you. A day came and brought with it limitless emptiness, a strong feeling of missing someone close. Why you seemed so close, I did not know. If I could believe in reincarnation of souls, probably I could say we had met in past lives. I did not know why suddenly you became such an important person in my life, probably because I let you, you entered my soul with your childish and sweat smile and took me far from myself. I started to cry at nights as you entered my life to give promises you were never going to keep.
I miss you. Have you ever thought what feel a butterfly that can not fly? Surely pain that probably a humen being can not bear. I need my wings back, as I do not want to make again and again mistakes.
I miss you and I set you free not to miss you any more

My Year

The speed of time can not be controled but I would like to have such a tool. My thoughts are again about time. I do not understand the speed of time, I do want... My special year has been as special as I have thought, though it passes too quick.
Everything started from a ship. "Fram"- the ship of my dreams came to Hamburg. When some years ago i read the book of it, I decided I would see it by all means, because it is the ship that reached to the places it wants. It is for me a symbole of fulfilled goals and dreams. And I could not imagine that the ship would come to me. It brought some magic to my life. I looked at it and suddenly I got it." Probably life is a ocean with many icebergs and the people are ships. Some ships are broken, when they choose dangerous waves.But they are always remembered. Some chose easy waves and they live long life but they never get something great in a result:middle life middle chances. Some ships stay in a harbor, but the ships are not for it and they are always forgotten........"So it came to make me believe my year will be special..

Then I was able to see a new part of this huge world: a new country with a culture and hot people, a new place where the see and the city met each other every day and they had always something to tell each other. The view from a castle was fantastic. I can not exactly explain, but you know you want to keep your breath to enjoy each minute and keep in you, in your memory. You understand that you have lived some days in vain before, as you have not guessed that there is such a place in world, such a heaven, you can look and look forever. I could not stay long because I had to go. But I wanted to go back there. I was so sorry that I did not know the way. But in a year filled with surprises it was meant to me to see this place one more time. I walked in the streets of the foregin city. You know, sometimes your decisons lead you. And it happened so that without knowing I found the way. And the second time when I was present at the meeting of my both foreigners, we became close friends and I gave a promise to The city of Love and The See of Passion to be happy.. I had a feeling that everything were meant to be mine, would be mine.

There was a garden. Not all people were allowed to enter it. Probably because of the unique flowers and plants that there were. And suddenly I got the tickets from someone foreign. My choice lead me to a right place.Truly said I can not define what means "Choice".If that was my choice or it is just a fate. I really did not know. It was one of the gifts of my year...

The trip I had made some time later, I called a trip of changes, as during this trip I met someone from my past and she changed so that I could not imagine it was possible. And I was changed too.I knew that we changed every day by everyone we met in our Life, but I could not imagine how deep can the faith change someone. I felt the power of faith..I felt the power of changes..... I found something more there but changes. I found suddely what I wanted to have for a long time. It was not matter of speed, It was matter of trying. I had drived motorcycle. The feeling?? The autumn of my year was beautiful...

The end of my year is not so far from me, but it is the start of my next year ;)))

I write

I write when I think, when I look for the sense and the answers... I write when I am lost and when I write I find myself again and again....I write when I miss I write when people forget,when I am far from the people I love, I write when I want to cry and when I write, I smile a little.. I write when I love or hate, I write when I envy, I write when I am jealous,I write and I say the words I want to say but I can not... I write when I lose the game, I fight by writing and I win, when I win, I write, I write when I am too scared, I write when I am inspirated by people, by cities, by histories, by Life, I write when I wait, when I wait for miracles, I write when I want to be understood,when I write,I explain myself, and I understand myself.. and when I write I breath so quiet, peacful, easy..

I can not stop writing.

You know when you write, you save your thoughts, you save yourself, You save your memories. Probably no one need them, But you need and probably in a century someone will waste her/his time to read.

I write even if people do not understand, It is strange probably, but I write, as when I write, I breath so easy...

We are our passion of our own life but we can get inspirated from others and the world. This huge world belongs to us, at the same time we all have our own world that can´t be stolen untill we decide to give anyone the keys.We waste our time and than get sorry, we lived beautiful moments and win memories for all our life, we create and built, but sometimes we break others, we love and envy and sometimes we just ignore, we hate, sometimes we are too kind and sometimes we really don,t care. Sometimes everthing is so important and some time later all lose their importance. And still we don,t understand The Life


      We are everthing that we have and lost and get again. We are the people we meet, the converstaions we have with them, we are the books we read by the way we understand them and we are the places we visit and we are even each step that is made to get closer to our goals and dreams. We are the movies we see and the experience we get. We exist even in good and bad things that others make to us. We study every day and every minute and in the result we always are who we want to be....

Lost chances

I don`t want you to be one of my lost chances. I don`t want to leave with unsaid words. People never remember words that have never said and even never forget them.


Nearly two hours left. One of the dreams of my life came true. I am leaving..Why is it so hard?? Why is it hurting??? The most precious people in my life are staying, I leave nearly each precious  detail of my world. I leave the walls of my room, my books,the city of my childhood, I leave my family, my friends and I leave you and I leave with doubts, I leave with thousands doubts. Too cruel to me.... But I need to leave as strong as the wish of living is.I am not going to ask myself ``What if??`` I hate questions like this. I leave without your promises, but I leave with your toughts and words that you have shared with me, I leave without your love but I leave with your smiles. I hope some day I`ll not have to forget them..

I don`t want you to be one of my lost chances. I don`t want to leave with unsaid words. People never remember words that have never said and even never forget them.

Time is Passing

One of my friends lost someone whom he really loved and he lost forever. And maybe the pain of lose will pass, but the memories of together lived moments will stay forever. You can believe in unbelievable things, but only senseless end is waiting for us. There is a path that leads us to the end and only you decide who you want to be during that long walk. Maybe sometimes you will feel alone, but there will always be people around who really care. There will be doubts about what you are doing, about your wishes and actions, maybe inside of you there will be different feelings, but you will understand that the most important thing is to strive for the things that you believe in at the same time keeping your belief in people by being kind, by helping. People will never rememebr what you have done for yourself, they will always rember what you have done to them. And what you do for others, will be returned back to you.
Death always take someone from you but as far as you decide..

Life will be too simple if people don`t have the lack of time. And because of it people
chose what to do with the time they have.
Don`t forget, time is passing tic-tac,tic-tac
Don`t forget yourself....